My name is Austin Vincenzo Parker and I do what I do.
Ever since I first saw kids walking around school with “Free Hug” signs I knew what I wanted to do with my life — lie, cheat, or steal to get myself a website and a crazy hat. Well guess what? That’s what I did, and ever since I’ve been spinnin’ the sickest, illest website and rockin’ the world with funky hats and free hugs Nope, daddy’s gotta get down, son.
With years of experience under my belt, you won’t find a more qualified, dignified or electrified person to throw down a great hug. My rates are reasonable, my pants are pressed, and I’m waiting for you to subscribe.
You gotta stay true to your roots. I’m layin’ it down and rollin’ around. If you see me come say “Hey”.
I’m a Bum, and I know it. I enjoy chill-axing at the beach and listening to music or reading a good book, if you’re full of drama I demand you stay away! Otherwise come join me.
P.S. I have always wanted a stalker. Of the non-violent type. Thanks!